October 28, 2014

Surviving A Horror Movie...

Halloween is in a few short days and I don't know about you but I've been binging on horror movies. And to be honest, they've got me thinking (With the help of the people over at Man Crates, who FYI have some pretty awesome manly gifts for your guy or yourself if you're like me and want a Zombie Survival Crate) about how I would fare if I was stuck in a straight out of a horror movie situation and what my own survival strategy would be -- This is kind of a lie, I'm always thinking about what I'd do during a zombie apocalypse.

So, if we were going by Scream (1996) rules I'd be screwed. Don't remember the Scream (1996) rules of surviving a horror movie? Well here is a refresher...
  1. You may not survive the movie if you have sex. 
  2. You may not survive the movie if you drink or do drugs.
  3. You may not survive the movie if you say "I'll be right back", "Hello?" or "Who's there?"
Yeah, one and two (Not the drug part. Crack is wack) would probably do me in. Three not so much so because I'm not the kind of person to call out "Hello?" or "Who's there?!" when I should be alone. If I hear a weird sound or foot steps and I'm supposed to be home alone I'm getting the hell out of there and if I can't, I'm grabbing a big ass knife and hiding in a closet. And I'm not handling myself like Laurie Strode in Halloween (1978) when she stabs Michael Myers once and just sits in the closet for a hot second before taking her sweet ass time to get the hell out of that room. I'm stabbed whoever is after me to DEATH.

If we're talking about Zombieland (2009) rules or at least rule number one, which is cardio. I'd die (Unless I had someone to trip) because I literately cannot run to save my life.

But yeah, if there were no actual rules and it was a horror free-for-all I'd hope to have the following to aid in my survival:
  • Machete (I actually would like to own one in real life in case of zombies and such but Justin won't let me have one or a gun because he is afraid I would threaten to kill people on the regular, so I hope during this horror business I was at my parents' house because my dad has one) because you can kill people, zombies, certain vampires and so on with one, plus there is no running out of ammunition.
  • A reliable vehicle (Not my own car) that is full of fuel plus some & a spare tire, preferably a hard top Jeep Wrangler Unlimited with the snorkel on it so I can drive in water.
  • A person ("Julia") to trip and leave behind to slow down whatever is coming after us.
  • Food and first aid supplies, if it's a zombie thing.
  • Fully charged cell phone plus a backup battery, to call for help.
  • Access to one of my uncles' gun cabinets (My uncles all hunt), if it's a zombie thing.
  • A group of friends, so we can help protect one another.
  • Maps, GPS or knowledge of whatever area I am in because I don't want any Wrong Turn (2003) or House Of 1000 Corpses (2003) stuff happening.
  • A crowbar because you never know when you'll need to pry something open or beat someone with one -- Hey Man Crates, send me over one of your crates for my husband (The MLB Mets Barware Crate or Retro Gamer Crate) so I can have at least a crowbar handy while I'm stuck in this horror scenario.
So yeah, those are the things I'd want if I could have a horror movie survival kit. What do you think of my list? What are your horror movie survival essentials? Lemme know!

2 comments:

  1. Those are all definitely necessary. Although, from watching The Walking Dead, I think I'd like to trade the machete for a Katana.

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    Replies
    1. The katana is badass. But I feel like it would be easier for me to get my hands on a machete.

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